The 6:00 PM news report from a local
Minneapolis television station stated
that four unknowns and two locals had been killed in a gun battle in a pizzeria
in North Dakota. One of the reporters offered her opinion that
the dead were enjoying a pepperoni pizza, but nothing was known about the
assailants. A serious of Tweets
speculated that perhaps someone might not like pepperoni pizza.
During the 10:00 PM newscast, the same news team reported that SEAL Team 6 had carried out a raid on a terrorist group headquartered in a pizzeria in North Dakota. Although never confirmed, two reporters announced that more than twenty terrorists were killed, but only one SEAL team member was injured. A new series of Tweets speculated that Chef Boyardee was a front for Italian terrorists and the SEAL was injured when he attempted to open a can of spaghetti sauce with a ‘John Wayne’.
The reporter had no idea what a ‘John Wayne’ was until several Tweets were received explaining a ‘John Wayne’ was the can opener included with K-rations. Referred to as the ‘John Wayne’ by the Marine Corps, the U. S. Army officially designated it as the P-38. Additional Tweets explained the designation of ‘P-38’ was because it took thirty-eight twists to remove the lid from the K-rats can.
A local North Dakota cable news channel picked up the topic at 6:00 AM on day two, beginning with a tongue-in-cheek report that two elves from Santa’s workshop had been involved in the pizzeria shoot-out. The channel almost tripled its viewers with the resulting Twitter exchanges.
At 10:00 AM on day two, North Dakota authorities announced that the investigation was on-going and they would have nothing more to say.
That did not stop the television, newspaper, or Twitter speculation.
Tune in tomorrow for part 1 of my interview with R. Clint Peters.