Failure is Feedback
Does
that F word bring on a panic attack? Are you success fixated; terrified of
being ridiculed if you slip off the A list? Well your chances of evading
failure in life are as good as Bill Gates being homeless. Every new
experience, relationship or project you embark on is pregnant with potential
for failure! And it’s just as well, or you’d never learn to walk. All
inventors, entrepreneurs or achievers fail numerous times before tasting
success. It’s a sign that you’re making progress. Failure is feedback and there
is no success without risk—only inaction. Like remaining in a relationship that
resembles a Stephen King plot, instead of
admitting your judgment was out of whack or you bet on a loser. Like staying in
a job that gives you as much satisfaction as trimming your toenails with your
teeth, rather than risk paving the way for working with passion.
If you’re not making
mistakes, you're not learning. When did you last take on a new project, learn a
new skill, go somewhere you’ve never been or play a sport you’ve never played?
Instead of bayoneting yourself with embarrassment if it fails, evaluate what
you’ve gained; valuable knowledge and experience, how to do it better, that
you’re timing was out, you didn’t do your homework, or that it’s a simply a stepping-stone
to ultimate success. Maybe you’ll make useful contacts or acquire new skills
along the way. We all do dumb things while we’re wearing “L” plates—but
it’s more constructive than being anchored in a comfort zone so long, that your
sense of adventure atrophies.
Failure can be fun! Laugh at yourself when you do a
metaphorical belly flop. Tell your children funny stories about mistakes you’ve
made and what you learned from them. React calmly when your children make
mistakes; your attitude will have a major impact on how they handle them in
future. Instead of threatening them with a parental firing squad, seek creative
solutions together. Explore ways to turn the experience into an asset. Teach
them by example that mistakes don’t define who you
are; they expand who you are.
Eric came to see me
because he just couldn’t shrug off the dead weight of failure. He went into
minute detail about how the company had shafted him in the past (they had), how
his efforts to seek justice had backfired (it did), and how he was still a
marked man; the personal vendetta was continuing (it was.) He analyzed the
state of the economy, the specialized industry he worked in, his age and
pointed out that there was no light at the end of the tunnel—he was destined to
be flypaper for failure forever. He explained lucidly, in detail and with clear
insights about his past failures in relationships and work experiences. Through
constant repetition of these lopsided facts he’d convinced himself that the
past would always ambush him and sabotage any chance he had of success. Failure
was inevitable and irreversible—he’d been there before…knew what would
happen.
While I admired the
honesty of his emotional striptease, it was clear why he wasn’t a towering
success! So I laid down some ground rules—he was only to talk about himself, only
in the positive and only in the present. In
the last year Eric’s life has changed beyond recognition. He’s lost weight,
regained his sharp sense of humor, made new friends, been paid out by his ex employers,
had the confidence and freed up the finances to upgrade his pilot’s license,
been offered a lucrative position, taken the first holiday he’s had for years
and won a canoeing trip down the Zambezi. This is the kind of thing that can
happen when we reframe our lives, allowing us to see the whole picture
and get things into perspective; when we give ourselves credit for our
successes, believe in ourselves and habitually focus on the positive potential
in our lives instead of dwelling on the pitfalls.
Instead of tormenting
yourself with your failures until you’re a walking advertisement for
retrenchment, accept that circumstances areconstantly shuffled and
reshuffled and there are always variables involved. Instead of haemorrhaging
with humiliation, admit your fears. Accept that you may lose your job,
possessions or relationship, but you need not lose confidence and hope. Study, explore, network and visualize the
outcome you want. Practice flexibility and resilience. Security comes from the knowledge,
skills and lessons you’ve learned, which keep you ahead of the pack. Keep
expanding, diversifying or upgrading your skills so that you’re always in
demand.
It’s not difficult to
be excited and motivated by success. But rather than being
a fugitive from failure or letting a
failure expectation define your future, learn how to work with it,
make it your ally. Being handcuffed to fear of failure prevents you from
getting smarter and stronger. If
you already have gaping cracks in your confidence, get professional help (as
Eric did). Don’t allow your potential to be prematurely aborted—or stillborn.
Stress
busting prescription: What
are you afraid of right now? What is preventing you moving forward or doing
something you’d really like to do? Now go out there and risk a failure today.
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